Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
