so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
