god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize