And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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