babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
