I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
