I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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