I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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