I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
