My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
