He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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