This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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