no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
