we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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