I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
