dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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