started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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