He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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