He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
