he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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