i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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