Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize