and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Enjoy the penises
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
