I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
