We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
