remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
