just tell him i said nine months
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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