chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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