I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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