YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
