No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
