I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
