Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
