the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
