What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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