I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drake has all the answers
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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