my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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