Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
