And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
