I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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