Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
