can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
