remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
