i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
