i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
