Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
