He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
