Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My pussy is not your playground.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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