the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
