For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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