yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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