apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
