Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
