i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
