i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
