3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
