Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
