kristin has been a bad kristin
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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