new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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