Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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