you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
