he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
