I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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