just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
