At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
