Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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